Officially An Adult….

When I was younger I used to feel so accomplished because I would clean my room and bathroom without being asked or I would make dinner for the whole family and it wouldn’t only be edible but it would be delicious. The one thing I do know however is that I’ve officially hit adult hood when I not only cleaned my fridge, but I also found myself cleaning my microwave. I don’t know how to feel about it because in my head I’ve officially become my mother. It’s one thing making your child’s doctor’s appointments because you don’t have to call in to schedule those, you can do them at an office, but when you call and make your own appointment it’s like the light has been shined on you and you can see your childhood falling away.

It all seems to come so fast. One day you’re sitting at home watching cartoons and next you’re staring at a positive pregnancy test, then adult hood just starts coming at you full force. Bills, doctors, work, it all seems to be overwhelming at times. You just sit there thinking about where your childhood went and how it slipped away so fast. I wish I could go back to the days where life was easy and my parents did everything for me but all I can remember is how when I was younger and all I wanted was to grow up and be 21 years old so I could legal drink and now I miss being 16 and getting money from my parents to go see the new Twilight movie.

But I can say I am proud of how far I’ve come and I’m proud of the accomplishments I’ve made, but I can never stop growing and doing the best I can but if anything I can’t lie and say adulting doesn’t scare me cause it does. There is so much that I want to give my baby in this world and I’m hoping I just do a good job at it.

Finding A Balance pt.1

The one thing I hate most about being a stay at home mom is when it’s in the middle of the day, your significant other is gone, your baby is sleep and you have no friends to talk to because they are either at work, at school or handling their own important business. And that is when the boredom begins to set in. I call it the “I wish I had more friends” phase of the day. Now usually I don’t wish that. I’m very content with the two friends and various other associates that I have but sometimes, I just wish that they weren’t so busy with their lives and maybe it would make my hectic life a little bit easier. I mean I could always crack open my bottle of Pinot that sits in my wine cooler but then again, day drinking isn’t really my thing………..and there is never anything to clean and I guess that’s just one of the perks of being with an individual with OCD. Which brings us to the issue, what to do now?

This is my problem solving time. If I have already finished homework then I continue with the next step…..Planning! As a mom for some reason or another, planning has become my favorite pass time. I love to plan for things. Business plans, life plans, dinner plans, you name it and I’ll plan for it. I found that time of boredom to be great for this because that is the time you have to yourself. Your little minion is down for a nap, no one is home to bother you, so why not go ahead and get some things in order. The problem I then face after making the plan though is how in the hell am I ever going to find the time to execute it? I don’t have time and don’t get me wrong, there are things I plan that can get executed like dinner per say but there are other things I plan and I just fill like there are not enough hours in the day to fulfill it all. Call me crazy but sometimes I wish their were way more day light hours than the hours we have or maybe I just need to work on being more of a morning person.

Kudos to the stay at home mom that seems to have the perfect balance for everything and seems to have her whole life together because I have yet to find the balance to become that perfect mom. I still have trouble making it to doctors appointments on time even though I began getting ready for them two hours prior. Being a mom is the greatest most confusing and stressful gift ever bestowed upon us as women and I can say I gladly except the gift but does it come with a manual. When my child is up it seems like I’m always on the go but once she’s down for a nap, and I have no appointments to be at, my mother is at work so I can’t call her it feels like one of those romantic chick flicks where you sit there and eat ice cream and just watch TV as you wait for your child to wake up because you know as soon as you go to do anything important, you’re going to hear that cry and try to break your neck to find out what’s going on. But hey, I never claimed to be perfect. I still need to find that perfect balance between mom, life and adulting and I feel like as long as you aren’t running around like a crazed chicken with its head cut off, then you’re doing a pretty damn good job.

 

Consistency is key

One thing I always remember being told as a child is that I need to find something I like and stick with it. Unfortunately for me, I liked everything but I couldn’t do everything right. I’ve tried everything from math to science to even being an organizer, but I found myself more into the arts. Baking, singing, dancing and here’s the biggest shocker, writing all seem to be more of the things I was into. Then again when you grow up writing stories at seven years old and when you’ve been in plays since you could talk, of course those things would be your strong suit.

It’s never hard to find something you’re good at though, the hard part is being consistent about it. I can not tell you how many stories I’ve started, but for every story I’ve started I probably have about ten stories that aren’t anywhere near finished. Why? Because I’m a millennial  that grew up as the only girl and the baby which means I’m spoiled. I get what I want with out really having to ask for it. I guess it’s safe to say I had the world handed to me and having the world handed to me makes for a very weak consistency level. Sad thing is when you realize you’re a mom and you actually have to be consistent and stay on a schedule because you don’t have to care for yourself but that little person that will one day grow to call you mommy.

Being pregnant was what raised my consistency level the most. Being told “Hey you have these vitamins and you have to take one every day no matter  how you’re feeling.” That will definitely make you consistent. I’m not gonna lie though, I still struggle with being consistent. So much so that I have to set alarms and write things on calendars and lets just be honest, sticky notes are your best friend at times. I know they’re mine. They always say to work on your consistency and build a new habit you’re supposed to do it constantly for 30 days, but honestly how do they expect you to stick with it if you have problems being consistent anyway. I guess this was my way of trying to say that this blog was my way of trying to make myself more consistent.

Mommy life is already hard but it’s even harder trying to stick with something when you completely suck at it and I completely suck at consistency. Between school work, a work from home job, being a mother, and everything else in my book but I was still having problems being consistent. So far I have found one thing keeping my interest and making me consistent and that’s this blog. I guess my parents were right when they told me to find something I like and stick with……SO the moral of the story is, If you’re having problems with consistency find your favorite thing and make it work for you.

Rainy Days and Mondays…..

After finding out I was pregnant it was like life had a whole different meaning. Sleeping and eating became my new muse. When I was doing one or the other I was a complete emotional wreck. Rainy days and Mondays met nothing to me anymore because everyday was a lazy day for me. I think that was the pivotal moment that made me decide to be a stay at home mom. Why not? I want three little minions running around any way and I had not quite grasped the concept of separation anxiety at the time either. One thing I did know, was that I wanted to be that mom that had cookies baked and snacks made when my kids came home from school. The mom that rides around in the mini van and goes to all the soccer games. The mom that literally has no life of her own because her kids are her life.

If you would have told me I would be thinking like that 10 years ago, I would have probably thrown up at the thought, but hell I was trying to plan out the fact I was gonna keep a baby and what the hell I was going to do with it once it got to the world. Plus, being one of those type of stay at home moms seemed so beneficial to me. Why? Because I was raised in a family where it was the our parents life to embarrass us. It had been my dream to drop my kids off to school in my mini van and give my kids a big kiss on the cheek before they got out of the car and scream “Mommy loves you! Have a great day sweetie!” as I sped of in my tricked out mom mobile. But then I thought to myself….Would I really be that kind of mom. Yeah it’s always been my dream but I don’t really think that would be me. I feel like I would be more of the mom to eat an edible probably a cinnamon roll edible before dropping the kids of to school to come home to my job most likely writing for some online news paper.

I mean, all the possibilities were endless when it came to the kind of mom I would be. But one thing I know is that I wanted to be there for everything. I was brought up in a divorced household and no matter how much I wish it were true, my family unfortunately was not rich enough for my divorced mother to be a stay at home mom off of child support and alimony, even though it never really mattered considering I was a daddy’s girl anyway, but that is also besides the point. I always remembered the one thing I hated most about my childhood was the fact that my mother was always at work and even though she had the weekends off, it still seemed like she wasn’t there. She would have so much work to catch up on over the weekend that she would be gone most the day or if I was in the car with her, we would be riding around all day and I would be so tired I would pass out from boredom.

Thinking about that made me realize I was definitely going to be a stay at home mom. Even if that meant opening my own business from home to keep an income coming in. I had to do it. I never wanted my unborn child to feel like I wasn’t around. I know this seems ridiculous because hey, I’m newly pregnant and I had far more important things to worry and think about but honestly before I could focus on anything involving my unborn child, I had to decide what kind of parent I was going to be and how I was going to do that. As the days passed and I watched my belly grow I went through the whole thought process in my head and planned everything out but of course, like always nothing went according to plan. Because for some reason it just seems like the universe never really wants people to plan. Life is like a big game of Russian Roulette and we are all the players……….

Surprise! You’re Pregnant….

There is always that one pivotal moment once you realize your period is late. The questions you ask your self, the fears, the dreams and the waiting….OH GOD the waiting. Some people may have it all figured out from the time those two pink lines appear and have a plan for every step of the way but other’s may just be fumbling around in the dark like yours truly. I just turned 21 years old and had my first child at the age of 20 and believe me that was not part of the plan at all.

Most people plan on not having a baby until they turn 25 maybe older. I know that definitely was my plan. Go to college, become a doctor, find the man of my dreams at the university I decide to go to, graduate, get married and then become a mother after finishing my residency at Johns Hopkins University. However life didn’t want to go that way for me. Not only did I not end up at Johns Hopkins but I haven’t even officially finished my first year of college yet. Jumping from university to university not knowing what the hell I wanted to do with my life and the only thing being constant besides my parents and their annoying urge to be involved in every decision I made in my life but also the my off again, on again relationship with my lovely boyfriend (sarcasm heavily implied).

Once you see those pink lines appear there are a serious of questions you ask yourself, one of the main ones being “Do I want it?” That starts the list of questions you will continue to ask yourself and trust me, if that bundle of joy wasn’t planned, well…….face it sister, you’re going to be asking yourself that question A LOT!!! But once you do decide you’re going to keep it, that brings a major change to your life, practically overnight and you’re stuck with not only what you’re going to do for your new pride and joy but, how are you going to care for them and one of the most important questions……Are you going to be a stay at home mom?